Memorials

Today is the memorial for my brother. In Iceland, these sorts of things have a very set format, there is a way they are supposed to be done, everything from the announcement in the paper to the choice of music in the church to the types of cakes served at coffee afterwards. No such culturally defined ritual exists in California - everyone does something different (though there is some sense to do something within about a month of the death). There is great freedom of expression in this format, an opportunity for emotional honesty, but also the danger of so much second guessing, wondering if this or that church or type of service or wake would have been more appropriate. In other words, none of the decisions have been made ahead of time, not even what church to hold the service in; we had to decide everything from scratch. Because when there is no "should" or "supposed to" one just has to make do with the best one can.  

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