Depressed

After three long, eventful weeks, this morning is my last day in Europe for the foreseeable future. I have actually no other trips on my radar, having spent all of my work travel budget for the year on this trip and having completely maxed out my personal credit card on the trip to Hawaii with my son last month. So I won't be traveling anywhere for a while, unless someone wants to pay me to come.

I've had a good trip, it is nice to know that I still feel so at home in Scandinavia. Just little things, like plugging into the wall the familiar shape of the European plug I've kept stored in my top desk drawer, or having a European breakfast complete with cold cuts and salad, has been very nice. It is good to know I can slip right back into this world whenever the opportunity arises.

But it is also weird to realize how much I have changed in the last year or so, that I really have gone through a fairly significant spell of depression. I made a joke to someone that I have a brain cloud when I couldn't remember the name of a very famous American photographer, and I also seem to be having real trouble processing new information, it all just barely registers. The only time I feel like my former happy, talkative, outgoing, energetic, optimistic self is when I have some company. When I am alone, I'm rather blank, nothing gives me much joy or much sorrow. I'm just not the person I used to be.

My mom tells me I look better than I did before I went on this trip, so I guess that is something. Certainly my skin looks more like it did when I lived in Iceland.

Comments

Jono said…
While I am glad you are looking good, I wish you felt better. I got pretty misty the last time I left Norway, although some of that was believing it would be the last time I saw my aunts. I sometimes daydream about spending a lot of my later years over there. It gets more difficult to come back each time, but for the obligations.
Lissy said…
America is so different, and so far away, from Scandinavia, it is difficult. But the trip reenergized me, my brain feels more awake.
Lissy said…
America is so different, and so far away, from Scandinavia, it is difficult. But the trip reenergized me, my brain feels more awake.

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