Divorces

My friend Amanda said to me the other day a witticism her mother had come up with (perhaps not entirely originally): Scandinavian divorces are nicer than American marriages. I knew exactly what she meant, having been surprised once to find out that Scandinavian divorces can be so friendly that the ex-wife can become fast friends with the step-daughter of the ex-husband. (ie: man and woman get divorced, man marries a new woman who had kids from previous marriage, woman also marries someone else, has more kids.) The two newly formed families spend enough time together for everyone to get to know each other really well, become in essence one big family. As a Scandinavian colleague put it to me, "I am better friends now with my ex than even when we were dating!" 

This is not how it is done in the States. First of all, there are lots of marriages with no kids, like me and my first husband - I don't even know where he is living anymore, and the funniest thing is that feels perfectly normal to me, as if we really and truly were never married, never knew each other at all. Poof! But even in the cases of divorces where there are kids involved, the exes are far from friends, and really try to have minimal interaction at all costs. The awkward, court imposed "every-other weekend" rule sometimes even has provisions for the "hand off" of the child to occur at a "neutral location" as if otherwise there might be an armed show down. The American system basically assumes the worst about the divorce and about the people's ability to maturely process their emotions.  

I must say that at least among those I know about, Icelandic divorces tend to be a bit more on the American model; no friendly repartee between the exes, no shared holidays with both sides all together the way Scandinavians do. Of course, it also seems to me that once Icelanders do get married (which can be years after they have kids), they do not get divorced. Anyhow, I myself am hoping for a Scandinavian divorce.